Alzheimer's - Whats it like to have it?.

With Alzheimer's on the increase with an ageing population, people want to know, what is it like to have dementia? 

I have been diagnosed for some time now and have been logging my illness progression while I can. At first I suspected that I might have it as there is a family history of it. I have now come to terms with my illness and accept that it is there and will get progressively worse over the coming years. It is my Karma and I just have to keep going for as long as I can without being too much of a burden to others. if you imagine your worst fears, you won't come close to what being diagnosed with Dementia can do to a person or the person you thought you knew!

No, there aren’t any of what you might call obvious symptoms. Dementia  just seems to slowly creep up on you without you realising it. I know in my own case I started to realise I had a problem when I was around 64 years old, having seen the same thing with my late father and mother, it was just like my mind was frozen in a fuzzy state and I noticed that I could not remember simple things like ,"what day of the week is it". I was starting to become anxious over minor things and issues. Whereas previously I considered myself to be a reasonably calm and collected person in any stressful situations.

The irony of it is, I do still realise that I have dementia and can still tell what its doing to me as a person.  Sometimes turning me into a person with a Jekyll and Hyde personality, yet before the illness I was one of the most calm of people, with a sound analytical and logical mind.

There is a reference list in use by health professionals, of the 7 so called stages of Alzheimer’s , but it doesn’t necessarily mean that every sufferer will fall neatly into these various stages as listed. Dementia seems to affect each individual in many different ways and at different stages of the illness progression. Tiredness, depression, and definitely irritability are all part and parcel of the illness, it's not just a case of simply 'getting older' or being forgetful.

At the present time with my own unique health conditions, I’d say that my physical condition and in particular, my mobility, has deteriorated faster than my mental condition. Sometimes when I go for my daily afternoon short walk, I feel as though I’m wading through thick mud.I also have osteoarthritis and require two sticks to aid walking, both hips having previously been replaced with mixed success. 

I battle with frustration everyday, particularly not being able to practice my once beloved profession, Horticulture(Gardening). That needed a lot of memory and physical coordination, these have now got lost within a labyrinth of other dementia problems.I now have to watch helplessly as my wife takes on an ever increasing role and does all of the regular ground maintenance work that I used to enjoy doing. My contribution to regular household chores is now at a minimum and increases my dependancy on my wife,who has had to 'double up' on many things in the past year or so. 

With dementia I also have occasional speech problems, that can manifest itself at any time during my illnesses progression. In company of others, someone may ask me a question, but when I go to reply, the mind and voice becomes frozen and all that comes out is gibberish. Yes the words of a reply are within me but they won't come out,which then makes me even more frustrated and bewildered and I can often end up in tears, but that’s what dementia does to a person. Sometimes when I sit at the computer with intentions of typing, I end up just staring at the monitor screen, as any form of communication has got lost in my minds maze of bewilderment. 

Holding 'normal' conversations with my wife has started to become problematic,with her occasionally losing her patience with me requiring information to be repeated.  

When my illness was first diagnosed and confirmed by the health professionals, I agreed to start a course of the drug Aricept. I knew from discussion, that this was not a cure, but that early research had shown that in a small percentage of patients who were diagnosed in the early stages of the illness, that it could delay further deterioration of the brain cells by a couple of years. From the beginning of the course of these drugs I had a really bad adverse reaction and eventually had to cease taking them altogether.

Sudden noises of any type can cause me anxiety and I end up trembling.  It can be from the daily noise from people shouting, children crying, or even the passing traffic.
Being a passenger in a Car that is being driven in a less than smooth fashion can make me very anxious. I have also now become insecure when on occasion I am left alone,answering the front door and telephones can be very problematic. You could say at times scared of my own shadow and I seem to see plenty of shadows and images that really aren’t there, and night times can be horrific from the  nightmares that have me lashing out my arms and legs in my sleep.

Well, that gives you just a brief look into my daily dementia mind. First thing this morning  I was having a bad cloudy day full of doom and gloom, but I have to try and keep fighting this illness no matter how hard and stressful it becomes, knowing that if I give in, then the dementia sneaks in further through the back door of the mind.


Without a doubt dementia is one of the most insidious of illnesses, yet I still say I’m far better off both materially and health wise, than many others in this world. Mainly through the constant care and support of my wonderful wife and family. My guardian angels.