A journey into darkness

A journey into darkness

Having been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, it is difficult not to think of what the next few years has in store for me in terms of my illness,particularly the later stages.

Alzheimer’s last stages of which are shrouded in mystery, each of us with this disease will be exploring an unknown wilderness.Ultimately,will I be able to tell others what the last stages are like?   I wonder whether I’ll be conscious toward the end when I appear to be completely out of it and, if not, what it will be like.We just don’t know.  

In trying to second guess what  my journey into the darkness might be like  might seem like a form of denial,soft-peddling the likelihood of future suffering for me and the people close to me.  I don’t believe I’m in denial, but even if I were, does that change the reality that this process will be some sort of adventure? 

Perhaps we don’t think of Alzheimer’s as an adventure because we want happy endings and believe that the word adventure applies only to successful adventures, where the hero faces enormous dangers and suffering but eventually returns to tell the exciting story.  But what if the hero does not return.  

It sounds strange, as well as trepidation, I can still sense an excitement.  Growing up, I relished exploring uncharted territory.  But each of us with this disease must explore it for the first time; each of us faces a unique adventure.Knowing that we will never return.